Missing "me"

I realized yesterday that I miss the old me.  I am seeing more and more glimpses of her these days, but am still a little startled when something little makes me retreat back to the anxious Sally.

I know my family misses me too...wish they knew how much I miss me too!!!

Baby steps Sally..

Dear Old Me,

I miss you.  I know you are there, I have seen you peeking around the corner more and more these days. 

Try not to think that you have derailed when you have only hit a little bump in the road.  Figure out what is really bothering you and take steps to fix it or deal with it.

Try to be patient with your family as they miss you too. 

Understand that you will never be the same person you used to be...being the same would indicate that you are not growing. 

Tomorrow will likely not be what you expected, stop expecting the worst and maybe you will be surprised with the unexpected!!

Live for today Sally....let go. 

Faith

Saw this on a church sign this evening and really liked it:

Sorrow looks back
Worry looks around
Faith looks up

I need to look up a little more!! 

I going to try!

Wisdom

Matt just lost his first molar the other night (it was hardly loose the night before he lost it, he worked it hard the next day and with some help from his "tooth puller" - AKA Hannah - it was out and the toothfairy lost some of her retirement).

Matt has been complaining that his back teeth are hurting.  It looks like his 12 year old molars might be coming in - he is only 8 but all of his teeth have come in early. 

Last night as he was heading to bed he suddenly says:

"Oh I know why my teeth hurt....I am getting my wisdom teeth and I need to get them pulled"

Really????? 

Come to find out, the neighbor kid across the street is getting his pulled most likely for braces.  I guess he heard the term and decided that was his issue too.  This kid is so silly!!!!

And so it begins

So the last day of school was Friday and we are two days into Summer vacation and so far everything is going well!!

If there is one thing I miss from my time off during my layoff, it would be spending the summer with the kids.  Going to the pool...sleeping in!!

We are fortunate enough to have Hannah at an age where she can watch the boys while we are at work.  However, she is still a teenager that wants to do stuff without us.  We try hard to make arrangements for her while we are not at work...but I am sure she doesn't think so.  Hopefully she will look back at the summers with her brothers with fond memories!! 

I decided today that I am going to try to make more time to do things for me.  Blogging is something I enjoy and I want to make the time to do it more often.  Hopefully I can keep that promise to myself!! 

Happy Summer!!!!

Hope is bigger than fear

10 years ago today, Pete and I dropped off our 10 1/2 month old son and almost 5 year old daughter at daycare.  Plans were already in place for them to go home with our friend/director of the daycare for the night so no one in the family would have to worry about them.  (This was truly a blessing and I am forever grateful to Cathe for having the insight to do this for us).  After finishing that week, Hannah did not go back to daycare and Davis didn't return until August.

Pete and I drove to St. Joseph's hospital for a surgery that I believe was supposed to be at 1 in the afternoon.  I was having a lymph node removed with a "possible thyroidectomy" for a growth that the doctor assured me was not cancer. 

As I was being wheeled into the OR, the doctor joked and showed me the cd he was going to play even though he usually reserves it for nose surgeries...it was labeled "Booger Tunes".

I was put under and woke up SEVEN hours later (actually I was likely out longer, the surgery it self was 7 hours).  My funny doctor was at my side with the most somber look when I woke up.  I asked him three questions:

Did you take my thyroid?....His answer was yes.

Cancer?....His answer was yes

Thyroid cancer?...His answer was yes.

I smiled and said "ok". 

Ok because I knew I could beat that kind of cancer.

Ok because I knew there were replacement hormones for the diseased thyroid they had to remove.

Ok because I knew that I would be OK!!

Love is bigger than cancer and Hope is bigger than fear!!

I am eternally grateful for the family and friends that have made the last 10 years possible!!  I love you!

And to you cancer...you can still kiss my ass!!!!!!!!!

I am...

Coming back

This weekend I am going to make time to blog again....because we have been busy and I have a lot to say.

I will give you a pictorial preview of some of the crazy happenings in the Yost house:

I wanna come back

And I think I am going to do my best to get back to blogging and writing down the happenings in our lives.

I am going to make time....soon!!

Until then, we are okay....busy...but doing more than surviving for the first time in a long time!!!

This is Amos....he is our new kitty that adds to our family's craziness!!!

We interrupt this blog for some breaking news...

No, it isn't about this adorable new kitty of ours.

I just loved this picture I took with my phone yesterday of him just minutes after he was running around crazy.

The real BREAKING NEWS is

HANNAH MADE THE JV SOFTBALL TEAM

We are so proud of her and are excited for this new chapter in her life. 

Congrats Hannah Bear....you deserve it!!!

On the Eve of Greatness

Tomorrow our little girl is taking a big step in life.

She is starting High School.

I know she is nervous.

So am I.

But for different reasons.

She will do great.

Softball tryouts also start tomorrow.

It is a big day for sure!!

Good luck Hannah

We love you and know you will do great!!

Beautiful

I have been silent on my blog primarily because I have not been in the best place mentally.

I am trying to put my house in order.

I am trying my best to lose the funk and get back to seeing the sunshine. 

This song was on The Voice (which I LOVE) last night and it spoke to me.

"I am BEAUTIFUL no matter what they say"

Lessons learned

On the eve of the 9th anniversary of my cancer diagnoses, I have been thinking a lot about the "whys"....or rather reflecting on the reason I don't have any "whys" regarding the challenges we are all faced with in life.

This week has been a tough one....a very special little boy that is a week older than Davis earned his wings on Wednesday after a very long battle with Neuroblastoma.  I first "met" Jack while supporting the son of my co-worker, Carter who passed away in September of 2004.  I instantly fell in love with this little boy with a bucket on his head and Moo-Moos in his hand.  I also fell in love with the writings of his Mommy, Jen.  Jack endured two stem cell transplants and lots of chemo and radiation.  Jack got better....his Mommy decided to shut down his Caringbridge site...she continued to update those that were interested via e-mail for awhile after.  Oh how I missed her writings and keeping up with Jack and his sister Kate, I was happy that Jack was living the dream, but still missed them.  In November of 2009, a new website was created because unfortunately this mean cancer didn't want to stay away.  He fought hard...and in my opinion he won. 

Through the tears, I didn't think "why"....I was just sad and I ached for his mommies and sister. 

I believe with every ounce of my heart that God doesn't create the bad stuff that happens in our earthly life, but yet He is able to use the heartache, sadness, and fear to teach a valuable lesson.  It always amazes me to see the strength of humankind when disaster hits.  Instead of getting weaker....we get stronger.

I find that the lessons we learn the best, those we will remember, are those that were the hardest.

So if I ask "why did God do this to me"....His answer is always "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU".

Fly high Jack....thank you for letting me part of your journey and for helping me remember that each day is gift....don't be lazy and let it pass without making the most of it.

Beautiful

In  the end....she was even more beautiful than I could have imagined!!!

Mama Bear

I always have so many things I want to write about and somehow my crazy life seems to get in the way!!

We have been busy this Spring with softball, work, a little motocross, work, holidays, work and more work.  I am not complaining as I feel so grateful to have a job again, but I have been so crazy busy trying to get everything in the order I like.  I was also lucky enough to get a little side job with the last company I contracted with....but it was over Easter weekend.  This HOA president thing has been getting in the way as well....it seems like that might be calming down a bit now.

As the school year winds down, it seems like our calendars fill up with events for the kids...field day, award ceremonies, year-end parties, etc.  I am lucky to work at a place that is flexible and I will be able to attend most of the kid's events.

Tonight Hannah is going to her 8th grade formal.  I can't believe she is going to High School in the fall.  In true teenage fashion, this dance has come with its share of drama.  However, this drama made this Mama Bear's very unhappy.  Hannah had borrowed a dress from a friend of hers and all we needed to do was get some shoes.  On Monday on our way to church school (Hannah volunteers for Matt's class) she was very upset but didn't want to talk about it.  She finally opened up and said that the "friend" she is going to the dance with told her that the dress she was going to wear (that she borrowed) was UGLY.  I wanted to go and strangle this girl.  For the record, the dress is really pretty and I thought it was great that Hannah was willing to save us some money, especially after 2 years of being unemployed.

In true Hannah fashion....she was still willing to wear the dress.  I took her to the store last night to get her shoes....however, I decided to buy her a new dress as well. 

She would have looked beautiful in the borrowed dress, but I know she will FEEL beautiful in this one. 

We have had lots of conversations about what a true friend is and Pete and I are trying hard to build her confidence so she doesn't allow herself to be treated like that.  Please say a little prayer for my Bear that she has fun tonight and feels as beautiful as she is.  I will post pictures when I can!!

Mud Magnets

My boys are such mud magnets....

They were in the backyard this evening riding their bikes through mud.

But then they had even more fun cleaning up.

Footed Pajamas

Funny conversation this morning with the boys while getting ready for school....

Davis - "Wow, these socks are REALLY comfortable"

Matt - "Hey Mom, you know those pajamas you got us that have the buttons on them that came with those socks?  Can you get me more of those socks, because they are really good socks"

Davis - "Oh I want footed pajamas" - (the pajamas Matt was talking about had socks that came with them that they wear with their shoes...not actually footed pajamas)

Matt - "Yeah, me too"

Davis - "But I would not wear them if I wasn't home sleeping"

Me - "Why?"  (of course I knew why....he is almost 10...but I wanted to see what he would say).

Davis - "I think people would make fun of me....but I just love footed pajamas"

What I think is the most funny about this is that I can't remember the last pair of footed pajamas the boys have owned since they were babies!!!

The boys have been in the same room since Monday as we found bunk beds for them and I put them together this weekend.  It is working out wonderfully and they are getting up to their alarm clock and even brushing their teeth before we head downstairs....that is big for us!!!

Playing in the Dirt Again

 Saturday night we got to go racing again!!!  It has been a long time and one of our racers has taken a big step up. 

 

Davis is now racing a 65cc where he has to shift for the first time.

He had no seat time on an actual track before this Saturday.

We believe in the sink or swim philosophy - not really but we were winging it this time for sure.

I will do a proper update later, but just to give you an idea of what our night consisted of....a little before and after of Dave's helmet.

There was a whole lot of washin' going on at our house on Sunday!!

More to Come!

The pot at the end of my rainbow

Pete called me yesterday afternoon on my way to teach religious education with a wonderful gem he found in Matt's bookbag.  His timing was great as the boys were being rowdy in the backseat.  It was not long ago that Matt asked me if my cousin was my treasure like his blue blanket.

Below is a picture of his story.

"Something that is a treasaure to me is my blue blanket.  It is special because it is a treasure to me.  My blue blanket is special to me because my mom gave it to me.  This would be in the pot at the end of my rainbow."

I may not have a blue blanket...but I know this kid is definitely in the pot at the end of my rainbow.

It is Heaven to be Seven

 Today our baby turns seven.  How did that happen?

On Saturday he had his first ever birthday party at the bowling alley.  I think everyone had a great time.  Then we celebrated at my brother's house.  We celebrated the weekend before as well when Pete's mom was in town.  It feels like we have been celebrating forever!!  But it has been fun!!

I am taking him to school today and he wanted to take green sprinkle donuts to his class instead of cupcakes.  Weird kid.....but he is ours!!

Happy Birthday Matthew Charles....I think you got more than your name from your Great-Granddad.  You are so smart...you have a temper...you are kind.  You still amaze me every day...what a wonderful surprise you are to us!!  We love you more than words could say!!  Enjoy being SEVEN.

He still makes my heart melt

My next couple of posts will not be related to Davis, but I took this picture on Saturday without realizing that I still had it zoomed.  I just think it captures my angel perfectly.  He will forever be the one that saved me!!

Treasure

Yesterday we had the privilege of visiting with my cousin Todd and his family from Denver while they were staying at my parents' house. 

I rushed home from work and picked up the boys to take them over to my mom's.  We ate at McDonald's and I hurried them along because I could hardly wait to see them.

As we drove out of the parking lot on our way, I was just giddy.  Matt asked me why I was so excited.

I told him that my cousin Todd is one of my favorite people in the world and I love to spend time with him.

He said in his sweet 6 year old voice... "Oh, is he your treasure? That is something you love, like my blue blanket is my treasure."

Todd is indeed one of my "treasures" and we had a wonderful time last night!!!  His two little girls are the cutest things ever!!!  I also got to spend some time with my other "treasures" because my sister and brother were there with their families too!!

To my Matty....you continue to amaze me with your insight and emotional intelligence.  I hope you always feel the love of your treasures and know that you are one of my greatest treasures!!