All I have

For 10 years I have kept this envelope.

Many tears have been shed for the life in this envelope.

I have said many times that this is "all I have of my Jake".

Pete once felt my wrath when he cleaned out the closet where I kept it and he put it in a bag in the basement. I am sure he would testify to my craziness when I found it.

It is now safely tucked in our safe.

Recently I discovered something....

This is not all I have of my Jake.

Jake is forever in my heart and in my memories. I don't need sonogram pictures or my letter to him or the cards from my family or the items from the perinatal loss group to remember my sweet baby.

Jake changed me...and I am going to let him.

I am going to be thankful for it.

Sweet Jake,

I held you for less than 150 days

But for 10 years you have lived in my heart.

Until I hold you again,

Know that Mommy loves you.

Living in the moment

The tide seems to be changing a little for our family.

I could worry that it won't last or that it isn't enough.

But I won't.

Instead I am enjoying my new contract job with my favorite person/boss in the world.

I am thankful that the family is falling into the new routine quite well, with the boys going to the After-School program for the first time in their lives. I am pretty sure Hunter isn't too pleased about the new schedule though!!

I keep reading the report from the doctor with a huge smile that says my thyroglobulin is negative, which means no cancer!!!

We are gearing up for a large heat press order that we hope to deliver by this Thursday for the church. It will be a test to see how we can keep up that side business with us both working full time. The profit couldn't come at a better time!!

I can't lie and say I am still not worried, but I learning to just take things a day at a time and continue to live with HOPE.

It's Snowing

And Hunter is just as excited as the kids!!!

I know this may seem strange to those that are used to getting snow, but here in Georgia we don't get much of it. This is most likely Hunter's first snow!!

I will be back soon with an update on the start of 2010...it is already WAY better than 2009!!!

Wieners and Santa

On Saturday, the 12th, we got a special visit from Santa who showed up with the Mountain Park Volunteer Fire Department. The firetruck and the ambulance showed up with sirens blaring. Matt was still a little scared but he was much better than last year. Grandma and Papa were able to be here and Matt felt safe in the back of Papa's truck with Papa at his side.

That Saturday was also the 10 year anniversary of my Grandma Havens' passing. I am especially reminded of my Grandma at Christmas because of the beautiful things she made us with Mr. and Mrs. Clause being my favorite.

When we would go to South Dakota to visit her (we lived in Denver and it was a 6 hour drive), we would always stop first at the Havens' house (we stayed at my other Grandma's house). We would walk into the kitchen and the first thing she would say was "You want a wiener?".

So on Saturday, we all had wieners for lunch....for you Grandma. We miss you terribly and I hope you are taking good care of my Jake.

**Sunday the 13th was the third anniversary of my Grandma Carr's passing. She is missed and I know she is up in Heaven enjoying seeing how well her family is doing here. She should be very proud of her kids and grandchildren!!**

I don't like the odds

On Monday evening, Davis goes to PREP (religious education) and I teach a 5th grade class.

Fortunately my co-teacher is willing to do the carpool line so Davis and I can leave. One of my students is a cub scout and attends his meeting after class. We always take him upstairs and I make sure there is an official hand off. Last night, he needed to go to our new Family Life Center across the parking lot.

On our walk back, I put my hand down and Davis grabbed it without thought. I asked him if he was ever embarrassed of being with me.

He said "no". (insert a very happy mommy).

I then said ,"do you think you will be someday?"

He said "Probably"

Damn......

Autrey...Are you on your way?

The house is buzzing with the anticipation of our elf's, Autrey, annual visit.

We wrote our letter to Santa requesting Autrey's visit again this year with the promise to take good care of him until Santa comes to get him on Christmas Eve.

The boys ran out this morning when they saw "a candy cane package" on the driveway. It ended up being a newspaper with sales ads.

Then Davis heard the Fed-Ex truck and he said "I heard the brakes and I just knew he would stop here, but he didn't". I asked what he was expecting and he said "you know he (the elf) could come in a PACKAGE".

Autrey tends to be a little mischievous while he is visiting, with his first stunt being the most memorable for the kids....he made pancakes and a big MESS.

He even tried to take the dirt bike out....

Hopefully Santa can spare little Autrey again this year....I wonder when he will come and what antics he has up his sleeves this year!!!!

It Takes Two

Last weekend I heard this twice on two different movies/shows I was watching.

This brings back some really good memories of college for me. This was a popular lip-syncing song that many of my friends would do. I was never drunk enough to get up on the stage....THANK GOD!!

This video was cute and I just needed something light today!!



Matt has been sick since about 3 this morning, he does seem to be a little better now after some soup, applesauce and a nice long nap. I hope no one else gets it.